What if the same argument keeps repeating because of something underneath it?
HEAL. LOVE. CONNECT.: Steps to Healing and Lasting Love. Follow one couple from the edge of divorce, and learn the patterns behind your own.
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By Dr. Efraín Duany, LMFT-S: pastor and licensed marriage and family therapist
Boy meets girl. They fall in love. Then real life begins.
“And they lived happily ever after” works for stories. Real couples know it is rarely that simple. This book does not lecture you. It lets you watch what happened to Ian and Cary, a couple who went from loving each other to the edge of divorce, and see what was really going on.
5 patterns Ian and Cary found out the hard way
From chapter 1 of the book. See how many sound familiar.
A small event becomes a big story
Ian lost his phone. For hours Cary heard only silence, and in her head she built a whole story about what it meant. By the time he could explain, there was already a verdict.
Two people can love in different ways, and both be sincere
Cary was expressive and saw communication as the essence of romance. Ian was reserved, and what was a delight for her was a challenge for him. Incidents like this repeated between them.
Waiting for marriage to fix it
Like many couples, they dreamed that once they were married the problems would disappear. For Ian and Cary, the expected magic never happened. The problems intensified.
The nearest help is not always enough
Couples often try to solve conflicts alone, then turn to the most accessible help. Friends, family and even YouTube videos are not always the best options.
The problems you see are often symptoms
Like a tree with very deep roots, what Ian and Cary argued about was not on the surface. Understanding it meant looking at what lay beneath.
Inside the book
- A true-to-life story you and your spouse can recognize yourselves in
- Key concepts to understand the patterns, not just the arguments
- Exercises you can practice together as you read
- A pastor’s and therapist’s perspective, with Scripture woven in
Written by a pastor who became a therapist
Dr. Efraín Duany is an ordained pastor and a licensed marriage and family therapist. In the book he is honest about what he learned along the way.
“Pastors are a blessing when they are not a substitute for appropriate professional intervention.”
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Get the first chapter of HEAL. LOVE. CONNECT. and a short Pattern Guide to reflect on your own relationship. We will send both to your email.
This book is educational and does not replace professional counseling.